An Interesting boring summer

So I came from Japan on the 12th of June and been looking for a job but nothing so far and it´s the 15th of july now… not sure but I guess its hard to find a job because most want a full time job employee and I suppose it doesn’t help when you´re still sensitive body wise from a car accident.

Instead while i wait for responses, i help my parents around the house, take photos and so on!  I have been pondering if i should work on my Japanese since my ability to study is a bit slow due to a.d.d,  But that makes me think if Going to university in japan after the 2 year time in iceland would be a good idea?

I  did love japan when i was there and honestly my dream is to find a job where i can travel the world while working but i just get so homesick… very homesick.. although my mother did offer to come with me for the beginning months 🙂 , have any of you gone to a school abroad? i know its not the easiest going to school for a whole year.. yet alone in another foreign country.  oddest thing though is that what would be stopping me from going there is that.. i have a 15 year old cat who is the world to me and i’m so scared
she´d pass away while i was away! 😦

So many things going through my mind !  so while i sort this out i will continue to take photos, draw and enjoy summer while i can 🙂 despite being penniless.

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New, Deep connections with people is Impossible.

I love getting to know people and maybe a bit too much.
I have been told by other people that it´s just me being paranoid but it  really is a feeling that´s hard to shake off.
I get very open with people after I get over the shy stage of the friendship, and I can become maybe too pushy? supposedly I just ask for too much from people, because I do want people to have the same interest as me when it comes to putting in effort in getting to know the people.

The moment I start msg-ing that person frequently and show interest, I become really invested and quickly throw in some feelings (friendly feelings) and I want to receive the same thing but of course people wont always be interested in you back, that´s just how it is sadly.

I sometimes feel like I´m this hyper dog that constantly wants attention but never gets any, :Þ maybe I´m just clingy?
I mean , I am an introvert but.. I crave communication with people online while I´m relaxing alone in my room. I love just handing out with people on Skype while doing other things, it creates this perfect harmony to me.

Maybe all this is just a fantasy i cant fulfill, I feel like maybe I´m  just not really a likable person compared to everyone else? not cool, not pretty , not skinny or funny enough? just never enough? know what I mean?

That´s why, when it comes to it, I prefer animals because then i know they wont at least betray me.. and let me down.

Jealousy ?

Until recently I´ve realized how much of a jealous person I am , and honestly its dreadful. I can´t often be happy for someone if its something that i´m somehow interested inn, like weight loss. A friend of my boyfriends joined the Herbalife i previously talked about and has been sticking with it.(unlike me who couldn’t, due to  being unable to afford it). He has lost a lot of weight, like around 30+kgs in a few months, which i mean is great for him but for me as a jealous person which cant finish anything.. Well…
It drives me absolutely insane with jealousy .
I would think i am like this due to low self esteem, and a.d.d, i jump between projects and therefor never finishing anything. Maybe Self pitty but since i don´t get quick results like other people due 5b7a654d23c73ff7f8a6ecb545f987fbto slow thyroid issues makes my mind even with more raging with jealousy concerning other people.
My psychologists told me that I´m way too hard on myself, but what can i say?
I can´t help it.

Jealous= because low self esteem?
Anyone who agrees with this?

I think in my case I feel way too stupid to be good at anything, since in the past i have put in effort and gained nothing, so when i see somebody progress and succeed in something
I´m thinking the universe is completely against me for some reason?

Like why can I put as much effort or even more and get less out of it than somebody else?
Everybody’s different and works in different ways so one could be follow the wrong path which suits someones head way more than yours?,
Maybe due to the fact you want to be like them? since their way is obviously working for them.

Strange thing is though, one might think and already acknowledge this fact but… sometimes that doesn’t make a difference (how stubborn can one be).
It´s like a viscous circle….

low self esteem- jealousy- realizes why?- acknowledges one should fix it- does nothing about it- low self esteem continues= gets jealous like usual….

AH hard to break out of this … I´m not the best at changing my patterns so.. well
woops? I´m at least trying to attend boxing practices from today despite back issues , and hoping ill stick with it.

This isn’t going that well..

Hey guys! , It´s been a while since i wrote anything but i´m back.
so i know some were interested  in  following my herbalife journey but..that hasn’t been going that well..,  since ´m not allowed to work, i don´t really have the income to continue buying herbalife at the moment which is sad :/ , instead ive been fixing my food choices, looking at what i´m eating but wondering why i´m still gaining weight…

Why am I gaining weight though after all this? honestly i have no clue, and i´m honestly quite lost but just today  ive been trying to track everything in myfitnesspal and my plan is to start walking for 1 hour every night.  🙂  Since i´m not allowed to do anything else so far anyway.

This weight loss journey has been going on for me for  a few years so even now when i´m continuing to gain weight  despite everything, especially after my accident is kinda making me hit my complete lowest point. I´m trying to not go into extreme measures since that isn’t always the best idea.

Although when I´m allowed to start working out (whenever that´ll be) I´m going all at  it!
of course whenever I´ll be able to afford to go to practices again. 😛

Hopefully I´ll start showing some results sooner or later and i´ll be sure to update you guys on that.

over and out

You guys have any advice? or are simply interested to add me on social media?
IG: nirayabun
myfitnesspal: guddab

health and herbalife on going

So now a couple of days a go i got my herbalife shake again and been doin that since….Monday? and it´s currently a chilled Sunday.
i´ve been getting physical therapy and taking walks recently to get more calorie burn since ever little thing  counts but it seems like  because of that my hip area is a bit swollen, i´ve gained a bit of weight, although im not too sure if that´s the actual reason?

3bf4992052804cc0cab3227b4feb5234Honestly could be that I´m eating something bad and not even realizing how it´s affecting me. it´s just kinda depressing ya know? i´m jumping up and down varying in 1-3 kgs within a few days ratio which doesn’t make any sense to me. Sad thing is that i can´t do much but trying to do even better concerning my diet , since i´m not allowed to exercise a lot due to the accident. Feeling so fat lately and especially when i look more bloated and cant find clothes :Þ ,struggle ya know?
wish me luck all? hopefully ill start seeing some positive difference soon?
I´m going to continue drinking more water and tea ! 🙂

any tips ? or wanna join me on this train of health, dm me at my instagram or follow me at
@Nirayabun

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lets keep fighting!

Started Herbalife

So  I think in July? I started Herbalife , and it´s been progressing rather slowly so far
but it´s understandable since getting rid of bad habits isn’t so easy , also because of the fact that i had a rather bad car crash during the 27th of may 2016  with my boyfriend , the day before my graduation. Now so far my right arm ( the wrist area and down) isn’t working , and my hip so far only allows me to walk the minimum length per day, although i´m upping my goals each day , so I can reach my ideal body even faster c:

I´ve cut most soda out and but i´m also  working on getting rid of bread and not drinking my calories and such. The part which is quite surprising is that the Herbalife shake kinda helps me with not snacking as much or eating as unhealthy as i did, it´s rather strange.

Also not sure if my muscle gain  (via the scale that measures fat , muscle, water etc)  that I go on is because 0f progress or that i´m recovering from my accident but it´s something.. 🙂

Hope to start seeing a difference soon if i actually start following all this accurately!

might add more later but bye for now!

over and out,
Nirayabun