New, Deep connections with people is Impossible.

I love getting to know people and maybe a bit too much.
I have been told by other people that it´s just me being paranoid but it  really is a feeling that´s hard to shake off.
I get very open with people after I get over the shy stage of the friendship, and I can become maybe too pushy? supposedly I just ask for too much from people, because I do want people to have the same interest as me when it comes to putting in effort in getting to know the people.

The moment I start msg-ing that person frequently and show interest, I become really invested and quickly throw in some feelings (friendly feelings) and I want to receive the same thing but of course people wont always be interested in you back, that´s just how it is sadly.

I sometimes feel like I´m this hyper dog that constantly wants attention but never gets any, :Þ maybe I´m just clingy?
I mean , I am an introvert but.. I crave communication with people online while I´m relaxing alone in my room. I love just handing out with people on Skype while doing other things, it creates this perfect harmony to me.

Maybe all this is just a fantasy i cant fulfill, I feel like maybe I´m  just not really a likable person compared to everyone else? not cool, not pretty , not skinny or funny enough? just never enough? know what I mean?

That´s why, when it comes to it, I prefer animals because then i know they wont at least betray me.. and let me down.


Random thoughts about excessive talking?

Hey guys, sorry if my topics are completely random but i guess that´s what i´m going for.
Been wondering for a long time and especially tonight on how I struggle with controlling my emotions.
I am a very emotional person to some point, and my a.d.d plays into that i would think?
I have the issue were whatever i´m feeling or thinking i say out loud right away, of course i try to be sure not to say something hurtful, but i just keep blabbing away about my worries and thoughts to my friends and boyfriend. That worries me a lot to the point were in the past, I´d have days were I would completely stop talking or try to minimize everything i say and just listen.

Sometimes i wish i could go days without talking, to ease my worry of talking too much, and people just are not letting me know.

Do you guys have this issue?

It makes me think that maybe i should close people off, not contact them unless they contact me. But in my out of control brain, in those moments i´m like a hyper dog who just wants to get to know that person and talk to them constantly and my energy just goes into talking and I can´t control  myself….

Later, when i´m alone with myself and sometimes the thought comes up like tonight, after i´ve been spamming my boyfriend with my thoughts on messenger, about everything. I start worrying that he will leave me for talking too much, Crasy right?

-to be continued